Reflection

Friday marks a year that our foster son has been with us and along with this comes self reflection on myself and my family.

This little guy has been an amazing blessing to our family.  He has taught us how to love more, laugh harder and fight for the things in life worth fighting for.

I can still remember the day we got the call like it was yesterday, we were going to a soccer game in Manchester and I was at work and when I got the call, I was both excited and scared.  As I had just said to myself the week before that I was done with the baby stage. And boom, a week later right back into the baby stage I went.  I never even second guest my answer when I told the women on the phone of course we would take him in.  Mind you this was only supposed to be short term they thought, but 1 week in I was in love with this angle.  During week 1 we were told he may be going home and I remember sitting in my car with tears rolling down my face, because already I could not image him not being with our family.  He fit like a glove and our kiddos just adored him. Lucky for us he stayed, but it has been a bump road with lots of tears and pain and laughter and smiles. I cannot think of a moment in the past year that I would change.  He means the absolute world to us.  I always get the questions from others what if he goes home? how will that affect you and your family? And to be honest I cannot truthfully answer because I don’t know how it will affect us and hate to think about it as its very emotional for me.  We just hope and pray that he will be with us as the love we have for him is unconditional.

As I reflect back on my life since I have been a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter; I often ask myself have I been the best me, have I learned from mistakes, have I taken risks and chances in order to learn and grow? I have to say, yes! for the most part I have.

As a child I moved around a lot, military family.  Changed school, made lots of friends, none of whom I talk with today, which makes me wonder where they all ended up? I got to visit my dad in the summer and winter and have 2 wonderful brothers and a sister. I really can say I was blessed with a good childhood.

11 years ago I met the most amazing man and of course the beginning was hard just like any new relationship you have to learn to grow together. You have to trust and care and fight. After we got married, we still had to do the same.  Money was always tight and we had very little, life was simple and for the most part easy, but we all know that when you don’t have something you want it.  Money was always something we wanted more of, we thought it would make things less stressful, not having to worry so much about how to pay the bills or put food on the table, but we always loved each other and our kids. I went through some of my own stressful moments in the several years to come, how to parent, how to love all three of my kids and my husband without either of them feeling like I was neglecting the other. I always question am I doing things right, but what is right? How do any of us really know?  I even struggled with depression, which made me feel like a bad person, worthless.  From that I grew stronger, became a better person, knew how I wanted to live my life.

I have dealt with loss and addiction through my family.  Marriage and newborns.  From the good and the bad I have done my best to stay strong and show my kids that you have to love and be strong to make it through the bad and the good.

Pay it forward, care for those close to you, always do the right thing, because through life you will find that you are always going to be climbing that mountain.  Trust that things happen for a reason, even when that reason is not clear at the time.

“Self-reflection is a humbling process. It’s essential to find out why you think, say and do certain things…then better yourself”. – Sonya Teclay

Now…..

Let’s all take a moment today to reflect on who we are, if you are not the person you want to be only you have the power to make a change.

Tell the ones you love just how much they mean to you. Hug your kiddos and tell them you are proud of them.

Kiss your husband and let him know you love him!

Tell yourself you are going to make it because you are a smart, intelligent person, who loves and cares for others.